I Think I Need Help
by CBloom2
Summary: This wouldn't leave me alone after reading some spoilers about Jamie and a shooting (from next episode I believe). It may contain spoilers but as I've not seen any previews (except a few photos) I'm not that sure. Usual protective Danny just when Jamie needs him.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is something that wouldn't leave my head after reading spoilers about Jamie being involved in a fatal shooting etc - not sure it will make any sense but I had to get it down. Don't know if I will get it all posted before the episode airs but remember that this is just MY idea loosely based on the spoilers.**

**As usual I don't own anyone that you recoginse - if I did we would see a lot more of Jamie!**

**I Think I Need Help**

The dark sedan screeched to a halt outside the building where a good chunk of the NYPD were now situated. Detective Danny Reagan almost tumbled out of the car in his haste to assess what was going on. He quickly scanned the sea of blue uniforms to find a familiar face, "Sgt Renzulli!" he called as he dashed over to the older officer, closely followed by his partner, "What we got?"

Sgt Tony Renzulli glanced at Danny, then up towards the sky, "Guy on the roof...threatening to jump..we think he might be involved with your drug cartel somehow, that's why we called you in," Renzulli glanced nervously towards the roof again. Danny frowned at his actions, "Sarge, what aren't you telling me?"

Renzulli let out a breath, "The first two responding officers are on the roof trying to talk him down..."

"Jamie," breathed Danny. Renzulli nodded. Danny's stomach almost dropped to the floor thinking of his brother up there trying to talk the man down. What if it didn't work? What if the worst case scenario happened? How would Jamie cope with that?

He tried to resist the urge to race straight up to the roof to take over...they were on the job, they had to be professional about this. He began to look round, assessing what was around him - more uniformed officers, paramedics...good - they were ready for any eventuality, as usual.

"Ok then, me and Jackie will go up, see what we can do," he told the officer as calmly as he could, but Renzulli knew that protective big brother mode had kicked in - just as he knew that it wouldn't affect what Danny did one bit!

It took a few minutes for the detectives to get as far as they could in the lift. They spoke to the security officer who was covering the foot of the stairs that led to the roof. As they were about to start climbing the stairs, the unmistakable sound of a gunshot echoed around them. Without hesitation, Danny drew his gun and bounded up the stairs - two at a time - fear at what he might find when he got up there coursing through his body.

He burst through the door that led onto the roof - gun drawn - Jackie hot on his heels.

"No... Dad...no!" A boy, who looked to be about fifteen, was being held tightly by Jamie's partner as he struggled violently to escape his grip. "It's ok kid-it's going to be ok," Vinnie was trying to soothe the distraught boy.

"Where's Jamie?" demanded Danny. Vinnie inclined his head in the direction of where Jamie was. Danny looked over to see his brother crouched over a figure that lay prone on the floor, "Get him out of here!" he barked at Vinnie, who after one last glance over at Jamie, did as he was ordered.

"Jack, get the paramedics up here," he requested quietly as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"Danny!" his brothers panicked cry sent him running to the younger man's side. The man on the floor was bleeding profusely despite the fact that Jamie was putting as much pressure on the wound as he could. Looking at the injured man, Danny felt certain that he was in an extremely bad way, "He raised his gun. I kept asking him to put it down. He even pointed it at his kid! He was going to shoot his kid!" Jamie told him - speaking so quickly that he hardly had time to take a breath. Danny didn,t know what to say at that moment, but luckily the paramedics arrived. One of them gently'moved Jamie's hand, "It's ok officer, we've got him now," he informed them. Jamie looked at the paramedic, then Danny, confusion evident on his face, "What...?"

Danny helped Jamie stand up on legs that didn't seem to want to support him. He kept a steadying arm around him so that he wouldn't crumble to the floor. They both watched in silence as the medical team battled to stabilise their patient.

"He moved..." Jamie started to mumble, "I was going to try to disarm him, but he moved... God his kid saw..." He suddenly found it hard to breathe. His head began to spin as the rapid, shallow breaths he was taking were not fulfilling his oxygen needs. Before he knew it he was sat on the floor with his brother calmly trying to get him to breathe.

Danny was shocked at how quickly Jamie seemed to go into shock. He sat on the cold, hard floor with his arm still around his now trembling brother, willing his breathing to slow down. Jackie, who had now joined them, looked on in concern. She'd never seen the younger Reagan like this before - but then again this was the first time, that she was aware of, that Jamie had shot and almost killed a person in the line of duty.

"We've got to get him to the hospital, " one of the paramedics told the detectives, "Is he ok?" he asked, glancing at Jamie. Danny nodded, "He will be. It's his first one.'What about him? Will he make it?"

The paramedic shrugged his shoulders a little, "I'm not sure - it's bad," was all he said as they wheeled their patient to the stairs to begin the arduous task of getting him down from the roof.

Danny sighed as he looked at Jackie, who still looked as anxious as he was sure he looked. What should he do now? He needed to get Jamie out of there, but he didn't want all his brothers' colleagues to see him in the state he was in at that moment.

Luckily for him, it was taken out of his hands by Jamie unsteadily getting to his feet. Jackie put a hand out to help steady him but he batted it away, "I'm ok," he mumbled, "I need to write my report. They'll be an investigation ...my gun..." he trailed off as he stumbled past the two detectives.

They both soon sprung into action. Danny walked beside him while Jackie led the way in the hope that other people wouldn't see much of the blood that covered Jamie's hands and uniform. It seemed to work well. No extra anxiety was caused and any shock at the sight of so much blood on the younger man was quickly covered up - after all, the majority of officers there had been in a similar situation or knew someone who had. Renzulli and Vinnie ran up to them, "How you doing?" Renzulli asked kindly.

"I'm ok sarge. I need to do my report and hand my gun in and..."

The older man looked at Danny's anxious face and nodded, "Come on Reagan - let's get you back to the precinct - get you cleaned up, then take it from there. Cruz you're with me!" Jamie's partner nodded and quickly opened the door to the sargents squad car, "I can open a door Vinnie," Jamie smiled - his smile dropped as he looked down at his hands, his breathing quickening as he turned and sought out Danny, "Danny! Is this my blood?"

The older man swallowed hard at his brothers panicked face - he put a hand on his shoulder, "No Jamie, you're alright. Go with the sarge and I'll see you later."

He patted him on the back as he got in the car, sighing deeply as he watched it drive away.

"He'll be ok Danny," Jackie comforted.

"Yeah," Danny whispered, unconvinced.

Two days later came the news that the suspect had died from his injuries. Frank, being the police commissioner, was one of the first to know. His assistant watched her boss's face carefully, the battle between the father and the PC obvious in his expressions, "Shall I ask Officer Reagan to come and see you? After all it was his first..."

Frank sighed, " No - I don't do that with other officers so I can't be seen to be treating Jamie any differently, although god knows I want to!"

Baker smiled and nodded her understanding, "I'll get you a coffee..." she said as she exited the room.

"Baker," she stopped, " Will you get Danny on the phone for me please."

"Of course commissioner," knowing that that would be Frank's way of being a father as well as the PC.

Danny put the phone down after his father's call and rubbed his face, "The guy that Jamie shot...died this morning."

Jackie shook her head, "Damn I'm sorry Danny. Does Jamie know?"

"I'm sure he does by now," Danny replied, dialling Sgt Renzulli as he did so.

"Hey Sarge, Danny Reagan - heard about Jamie's guy - does he know? What? He's back on the beat? Yeah I guess - ok sarge...thanks."

Danny looked at his partner, " Renzulli told Jamie - apparently he's ok - he's back on the street!"

"Well perhaps that's a good thing. Get him back out there - it happens with all officers."

"I know Jack...but this is my kid brother...he needs to be sharp out there...I can't..."

"That's just it Danny - he IS your brother - he's going to be fine!" Jackie insisted.

Danny let out a long breath, "Yeah I guess..."

**So that's chapter one. Was going to do the whole story as a one shot but I think that you would probably fall asleep, so now it's a two shot.**

**Hope its ok. I always worry that they are to out of character but I'm sure you would tell me if they were. As always, I don't know any medical stuff so that's all made up and you might have noticed I used the word 'lift' instead of 'elevator' I'm from the UK and that's our word.**

**Bit more angst and comfort in the next (and last) chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter - I really appreciate it as I hope you know, even if I don't get round to answering them all.**

**This is the last chapter because I don't want to launch into loads of therapy chapters or anything like that, because I'm rubbish at writing that! Now it's family time...**

Chapter 2

A few, uneventful days later, the Reagan family gathered together for their regular Sunday dinner. They had all arrived there straight from mass - everyone that is except for Jamie, who had been on duty at that time. They had all said an extra prayer at mass this week for their youngest, whom they all knew was struggling with what had happened earlier in the week, but who was trying to put on a brave face for those on the outside.

Jamie arrived just as they were about to serve the meal, "I timed that right!" he exclaimed as he walked through the door.

"You've been hanging around outside until all the hard work was over," Erin smiled.

"Busted," Jamie joked as he kissed his sister on the cheek. Erin accepted the kiss gratefully, happy to have some connection with her little brother. Her expression darkened however when she got a closer look at the younger man. Behind the smiling, outwardly relaxed facade, she could see the haggard look that had invaded the young looking face. The dark circles under his eyes were a good indication that he wasn't sleeping well, "You ok?" the words were out before she could stop them. Immediately she felt him tense, "I'm fine."

"Good, good," she would leave it...for now, "In that case, you can bring the potatoes."

Jamie relaxed a little as he reached for the potato dish. He was immensely relieved that Erin hadn't asked any more questions. He knew that his family was worried about him, but he was dealing with it - he was fine!

He became aware of the conversation quietening as he walked into the dining room - numerous pairs of eyes moving in his direction. He placed the potatoes on the table, sighing deeply as he took his seat next to his grandfather at the head of the table.

"Jamie, would you say grace tonight?" his father asked.

Jamie looked stunned by the question, "Erm, yeah...ok"

Everyone joined hands as Jamie inexplicably scratched around for the words to say, "Bless us oh lord. Thank you for the food on the table and for the love of the family. May you keeps us safe in your love...amen."

"Amen," everyone at the table chorused and began tucking into the food hungrily.

Jamie put very little food on his plate and what he did put on he didn't really eat, just pushed it around due to the fact that he still felt nauseous every time he looked at food, "You not hungry Uncle Jamie?" Jack asked, concerned that his normally ravenous Uncle wasn't eating anything, "No Jack, not really. I ate something earlier at work..."

Danny and Frank both threw a suspicious look Jamie's way - not convinced that he was telling the truth.

"What did you do this week Uncle Jamie?" his youngest nephew, Sean, asked innocently, "Did you catch any bad guys? Did you have to shoot anyone?"

An awkward silence fell over the room. Danny's two boys were unaware of what had happened to their Uncle, so they were now looking throughly confused as to why everyone had stopped eating. Jamie cleared his throat. He could do this, "Well Sean, unfortunately I did have to shoot someone..."

He glanced over at Danny, his eyes asking his brothers permission to carry on. Even though Linda was squeezing his arm hard, Danny nodded his agreement - maybe this was exactly what his brother needed to break his wall.

"A man was in a lot of trouble and he wanted to hurt himself, so me and my partner were trying to talk to him, make him change his mind. Unfortunately he was very upset and he took out a gun. I kept asking him to put it down, but he wouldn't - he was going to shoot us so I had to act..."

"So you shot him first before he could hurt you and your partner? Jack asked, still comfused as to why this was causing his family so much pain.

Jamie nodded.

"More potatoes Sean?" Linda asked, hoping to change their train of thought.

Sean shook his head, "Did he die?" Sean's wide, innocent eyes almost made Jamie break there and then, "Yes Sean, I'm afraid he did," he managed to answer.

"I'm sorry Uncle Jamie - that must have been so awful for you," Jack added, now partially understanding why everyone went silent. He knew his mum and dad had been worried about his Uncle - now he knew why.

"Thanks Jack - but I'm fine!"

Then just as suddenly as the conversation had stopped earlier, it started up again - leaving Jamie to his thoughts.

Suddenly and without warning, Jamie felt his heartbeat begin to speed up. His head began to pound as memories and sounds from that day assaulted him. He hastily drank some water as he looked round the table, hoping to catch someones attention, because now he felt like he might actually pass out. He needed some air - he needed some space. He couldn't break down here - in front of his family. He tried to get out of his chair as quietly as he could, "Jamie?" he heard his grandfather ask. Scarily for Jamie, he found that he couldn't focus on the older man, "Son, what...?"

"I...need...air..." Jamie gasped as he tried to move.

"Danny!" he heard Henry shout and immediately felt the safe, strong arms of his brother, who began to lead him outside. Instantly Frank was on his feet, concern radiating from him. Erin placed a hand on her fathers arm, "He's going to be fine dad, Danny's with him. We need you calm..."

Frank smiled at his daughter. He knew, just as Erin did, that the younger children stayed calm if Frank did, and that's just what they needed to do. He patted his daughters arm gratefully, "I, on the other hand, need to go and fetch desert," she stated, sharing a knowing look with Linda, "Good idea," agreed Frank, "You ready for cheesecake boys? Why the sad face Sean?" He asked his youngest grandson, who looked on the verge of tears.

"It's all my fault," was all the little boy would say.

Frank motioned for him to come to him - then put him on his knee, "What's your fault Sean?"

"I made Uncle Jamie sad.." he hiccuped as tears began to fall. Frank hugged him.

"You didn't make his sad Sean. Uncle Jamie has had a hard week...but he will get through it, and I think that you might have just helped him on his way," he added.

Erin smiled at a tearful Linda as she set off to get the desert, "Give Uncle Jamie a hug from me," Nicki said as her mum walked past her, "And me!" both boys shouted.

Erin shook her head, "You kids know to much."

Jamie sat on the wooden bench in his 'mothers garden', which had always been his place of refuge. His head hung down drawing air into his lungs, more deeply now. Another panic attack! How many was that this week? Too many! His head was still pounding, but thankfully his heart rate had gone back down to a more normal rhythmn. He felt the steadying presence of his brother beside him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at him. However, the soothing arm around his shoulders was working wonders, "So much for being a Reagan," he mumbled to himself, or so he thought.

"Jamie, you're to hard on yourself. Did you really think that you would just carry on as normal after your first fatality?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose I did. Other people do...you do!" He turned to look at Danny, who was shaking his head, " I didn't kid, not after my first - I was a wreck!"

"It's true," another voice joined in the conversation. Erin sat down on the other side of her little brother, "Dad had to turf him out of one of the bars downtown, and when I say turf him out, I mean he had to physically remove him...so Jamie it's ok..."

Jamie stood up suddenly, surprising his brother and sister, "No! It's not ok! Why did he have to pull a gun? Why did his son have to get involved?"

Erin looked at Danny in confusion, "The guys kid ended up on the roof..."

"Trying to talk his dad down..." Jamie continued quietly, as he ran a hand through his hair. Erin bit her bottom lip to try to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

" He was trying to talk his dad down - just like I was - but what did he do? He aimed the gun at his son...his own son! He was so out of it! I had to do it! I aimed for his shoulder, just to disarm him, but he moved...the blood...it was everywhere. I had to face his son. I'd shot his father, then I had to make him leave his father when he needed him the most! What type of person does that make me? What type of cop?"

He was on the verge of tears now, as was his sister and brother. Erin moved first. She drew the distraught young man into a gentle embrace, " You did the best that you could given the situation you were in. You gave him the chance to do the right thing, but he made the wrong choice. You protected his son when he couldn't. You're a good man Jamie and a good cop..."

"I should never have become a cop! What would Danny and Joe think of me now!" He cried, obviously forgetting that Danny was outside with him, until he spoke, "Joe would tell you the same thing that I'm telling you - you are a great cop, one of the best," Danny said as he stood alongside his siblings, "Joe would have been so proud of you - just as we all are..."

Jamie pulled out of Erin's grasp a little, " But what about this? The panic attacks - the not sleeping..."

"Hate to tell you this kid, but you're human! Yes it's part of the job and we all deal with it in our own way. Do you think that I sleep soundly every night? I don't - just ask Linda."

Danny took hold of Jamie and turned him so that they were face to face - his heart almost breaking at the look of grief and helplessness on his little brothers face, " Now you listen to me - You're a great happened was awful but it wasn't your fault! You tried to save him but you couldn't. It's hit you like a ton of bricks - of course it has - but that's not a weakness Jamie. You're a strong man who will deal with this...and we are here to help you whenever you need us - so don't shut us out!"

Over Jamie's shoulder, Danny could see Erin wiping tears from her eyes, but his main focus was his suffering brother, "Come here," Danny breathed as he then gathered Jamie into a bonecrushing hug.

Although Jamie felt like all his breath was being squeezed out of him, he felt like he never wanted to leave the comfort of his brothers arms, which were soon joined by his sisters arms as the Reagan support system slotted into place, "I think I do need help Danny," Jamie whispered against his brothers shoulder.

"You've got it little brother!"

**There you have it. Hope it was ok. As always I'm never sure if I manage to keep them in character. Wanted to add a touch of Erin in this one as Danny gets a lot of bro time in my stories! **

**I know that this won't happen in the show, but a girl can dream! Til we meet again xx**


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